TMI Tuesday Feb 20,2018: I Need Space

This week I decided to take part in the TMI Tuesday Twitter meme and to answer their questions about how much space we need for ourselves in a relationship. Here we go:

1. Do you think that fate or destiny play a role in love?
a. Absolutely
b. For the most part
c. Somewhat
d. Not really
e. Not at all

The truth is…I have never thought much about this. In my relationship destiny has never played a bigger role than the connection we were creating on our own between us so, I would say the most important thing in love for us has been the human work put into creating a connection, building a relationship based on honesty and trust, and the strength required to make this whole thing work even from a distance since we live in separate cities. I’m sure the destiny alone would not have brought us where we are at the moment. So I would answer, d. Not really.

2. True or False – If my sexual likes and dislikes are not in line with my partners, I change them.

False. Adjusting our sexual likes and dislikes to make our sexual encounters work for both doesn’t mean changing them. I would be available to try something I am not really into if my Daddy has a strong desire to try it together, but then if I don’t like it at all it becomes one of my non negotiable hard limits. From the other side Daddy too has his own hard limits that I would never infringe, since respect and consensuality are two basic values in our relationship. If there’s something sexual that one of us likes but the other one doesn’t, we just watch porn about it (together or alone)or fantasize about it without feeling pressured to do it in reality. Again, consensuality means everything to us when it comes to sex.

3. You and your partner are at a party. Both of you are equally acquainted with the hosts and the other people attending, although you aren’t the best of pals with any of the guests, you have conversed with them on a few occasions. During the socializing, what would you most likely do?
a. I’d stay glued to my partner’s side, conversing with the same people he/she is.
b. I’d be away from my partner, mingling with the other guests.
c. I’d stay near my partner, but involved in different conversations.
d. I spend some time by my partner’s side, and some time mingling.
e. I let my partner drift or stick by me – as she/he wishes.

I’m not one of those girlfriends who stay always glued to their OH, becoming a shadow to them. Being in a long distance relationship we both are used to have plenty of “me-time” and time to chill with our friends without the presence of the loved one.

Due to our jobs, there are times when we only can visit for short periods of time (e.g. we can only be together a weekend every month): in this case the scene pictured in this question usually doesn’t happen at all: when we are separated we go out separately with our local friends, and when we can be together we try to spend the most time we can together, but only for us two.

Anyway it has happened to me to be able to live together with Daddy for 5-6 months and I have gone out several times with his friends I know too: I’ll answer d. I spend some time by my partner’s side, and some time mingling. Also, I’d let him time to chill with his friends without feeling like he must stay glued to me: he already does so much to keep our LDR going.

4. Have you ever gone through your partner’s journal, diary or personal letters?

a. Yes – I‘ve read it/them from A to Z.
b. Yes – I’ve read some of it/them.
c. I know where she/he keeps them but I haven’t read any.
d. I know where she/he keeps them – I couldn’t help but look – but I haven’t read any.
e. No – I don’t know where she/he keeps them, and I have no intention of looking.
f. No – I don’t know she/he keeps them, even though I’ve looked.

I’ll answer e. No – I don’t know where she/he keeps them, and I have no intention of looking because I feel doing otherwise would be a severe violation of the trust our relationship runs on. I expect him to do the same and I’m sure he will do.

We have no secrets between us so there’s no need to spy each other. Then if he wants to share with me parts of his personal letters that’s another case and the only acceptable in my opinion.

5. Have you ever had a romantic partner go through your journal, diary, personal letters or text messages without your permission? How did you feel? What did you do?

No, but I had my parents do it several times when I was younger and they would continue to do it if technology wouldn’t have allowed me to lock with strong passwords both my computer and phone. To be honest sometimes I still find my old grandmother trying to unlock my Android just because she has seen a fancy notification popping up.

I always felt like this was a severe violation of my privacy: I felt betrayed and like my family was ignoring my need for my personal space. It’s one of the main things that motivated me to go living on my own as soon as I had the opportunity like if I was escaping from their control-freakness.

Bonus:  What makes you feel loved?

As a person living the toughness of a long distance relationship, I would say: all what we have gone through together. Looking back and see how many miles we’ve walked together regardless of it being so difficult. Another couple in our shoes would already have given up, instead we’re even stronger together.

And as a Daddy’s little princess, I’ll say: having someone that I’m sure will always be by my side, watching over me no matter what.Sometimes feeling nurtured by his presence and behaviors.

I know I’m so lucky – but sometimes I act like I’m not!

Crash Pad Series Episode 257 Review: Nenetl Avril and Arabelle Raphael

Followers of my social media already know that I LOVE CrashPadSeries: I like to see normal, common people in my porn, with regular bodies and their normal sex life that doesn’t need to conform to a standard. So the first thing I usually do when reviewing one of their episodes is looking at the performers’ profile page on the series’ website: it’s like getting to know them better before seeing them in action.

And this time I know right from the start I’m gonna know two incredible characters: Nenetl Avril, in her About Me page, says “I’m really disappointed that I woke up today and I’m still not a mermaid. But I keep trying.”.  Also, she has a degree in English Literature: I’m sure she’s smart and capable of proving very wrong whoever said sex workers do what they do because they wouldn’t have the ability to do any other job.

Arabelle Raphael, from the other side, looks like a great personality too: on her character page she says she is a bookworm too and she’s just the classic next door beauty, with her long curly black hair, her natural make up and beautiful tattoos.

Nenetl’s lingerie is exactly the one I would kill for: a sheer black mesh bra, back seamed, cuban heel stockings and a purple garter belt, but Arabelle looks great too in her sporty bra, panties and stockings. Their encounter gets on fire very soon and I won’t be a spoiler by revealing what happens in this episode, but I can say for sure it’s one of the most sensual ones I have ever seen on Crash Pad. I will only reveal there’s a cameo of a gorgeous Oden Golden Night dildo by BS Atelier, a Spanish company that designs gorgeous handmade dildos.

As usual the focus is on the connection between performers and on how much they’re enjoying themselves.

I enjoyed the Behind the Scenes video too: it was very funny and full of cheer and laughters: the two girls despite being so beautiful have not a “diva” personality at all: it’s clear instead they are just being themselves in front of the camera. As I have said in previous reviews, I love that the performers are given the role of sex educators by talking about safer sex, testing, and use of gloves to prevent scratching from their pretty long nails!

Please Crash Pad, keep shooting quality episodes like this! I’m so proud of being part of the #SexEdPornReviews team: an opportunity that helped me learn more about the queer world and now I know sex positive, ethical porn is no more a dream, but it truly exists. Check out the Episode 257 here.

 

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Fetish Friday: what to do when family and friends don’t accept your kink

This week my Fetish Friday post is about a delicate issue I can tell I experience from the age of 18 or at least 19-20. Everyone in the kinky community comes across it at some point at their life, more or less intensely, so I thought about spending a word about what to do when family, friends and society don’t accept your kink.

Well, the first ting that comes to my mind as very useful advice in this situation is: ignore them.

Unfortunately, since I have been living this in first person, I can say it’s not so easy as it would look from an external perspective. How can you ignore when to be not accepting of you is your dear mother, or your college friends, or your coworkers you have to be with everyday? So I tried to come up with a little advice based on what worked for me or at least helped me to cope better with the situation. Sadly, everyone is different so what was useful for me can not work for someone else and vice versa.

Understand they don’t accept your lifestyle simply because they don’t know it. Unknown is scary and we all have a tendency to avoid it, or worst, to label it as wrong and negative. In the medieval times they gave fire to the witches because they were unknown and scary, don’t you think? Same applies today to kinksters, queer people, and so on.

A healthy sexuality is one of the most important things you can achieve in life. But there’s a common way of thinking that keeps most people to achieve it: sex has been considered one-size-fits all not for years, but centuries. Hetero, married, missionary position. Everything that isn’t included in this standard has been considered dirty since the birth of Romulus and Remus more or less. It’s just so hard to change such estabilished beliefs and the sex positive community is fighting hard everyday to try winning this battle a little step at a time.

That said, I never hated anyone because of their ignorance (from the Latin ignoro = to not know), but also I never wanted to feel pressured to share things I didn’t want to share. I would advise to take all the time you need to talk to your relatives and friends about your sexuality and to feel free to not talk at all if you don’t wish to. I think if a person can’t understand a thing about you, sometimes it can be better that they don’t know it at all.

When it comes to closest relatives you really need to tell (your parents, for example), accept their reaction keeping in mind that they behave like that just because they don’t know your sexuality is perfectly normal and doesn’t include that you can’t be a wonderful person, a caring parent and a great worker.

I have also found great relief by connecting with the online sex positive community. They can be very welcoming and knowing that people like me actually exist makes me feel less alienated and different from everyone who lives near me.

These are just my little opinions on such an important subject: hope you find relief knowing that you’re not alone!

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Pleasure Panel review: Bondara Small Black Silicone Heart Vibrating Butt Plug

“My first thought when I opened the plain, discreet envelope that contained my new toy was, “how damn pretty is this thing”. The Bondara Small Black Silicone Heart Vibrating Butt Plug was wrapped in a sealed plastic bag for hygienic protection, (which I appreciate) but I could still see how beautifully designed it was: deep black with a minimal chic design embellished only by the hollow heart shape of the insertable part.”

Yes, the design plays a crucial part on my enjoyment of a sex toy: I want it feminine, classy and what’s most important, non intimidating. I love playing with realistic dildos or vibrators it’s true, but sometimes I just want to treat myself and my partner to a product that feels definitely high end: trying a luxurious designer vibe is to me like a trip to a spa. I am just so grateful to the toy companies that trust my work as a blogger at the point they treat me with such high level toys I wouldn’t be able to afford otherwise!

But I must say the velvety, super silky to the touch material of the Bondara Small Black Silicone Heart Vibrating Butt Plug gave me that luxury feeling I crave, without an unapproachable price tag: for £ I think everyone can afford it and get the same quality of a pricier item. That confirms my long tested theory: you CAN buy a quality sex toy without breaking the bank!

Also, I love that it manages to be classy but still unisex, due to the black color. It has this beautiful heart hollow shape I know, but I don’t see that as a reason why a man could not enjoy it (or a couple in love, regardless to gender or sexual orientation and identity). Romantic but nice for both sexes in my opinion.

I keep on thanking Cara for how much I could grow as a sex toy reviewer thanks to the Pleasure Panel adventure and also thank Bondara for providing the toy I got free of charge in exchange for my honest opinion. See my full review here.

 

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Bondara Essentials: more Pleasure Panel reviews

This time I’m gonna review essentials for the Pleasure Panel and the brand Bondara Essentials didn’t fail to surprise me with two quality products!

I thought the Bondara Chocolate Lubricant could be a fun and easy way to enjoy a Valentine’s alone: sadly, these are things that happen when you’re in a long distance relationship and anyway working at a local pub I would not have much time to celebrate in any case. I need a vacation with my Daddy: we’re planning it for late spring or summer if our jobs let us a little space to enjoy each other. Let’s hope we can get a little reward for all the patience a long distance relationship requires.

Nothing is more romantic than a good old box of chocolates in my opinion so I was very happy to treat myself with this yummy lube: who doesn’t deserve a little self-romance after all? The smell was very pleasant too:

[...]It’s like the smell of those girly chocolate body splashes you can find at Sephora. I am a great fan of super sweet scents like chocolate or vanilla so this is definitely my thing, but I know not for everyone is the same.

Check out my review here.

Then I also was fond of trying the Bondara Spunk Lubricant for two reasons: first of all, I wanted to see if it could be a fun addition to my Skype fantasy games with my Daddy; then, I am just too much of a sex nerd to not wanna see with my own eyes if a spunk lubricant really resembles the real thing. If it is realistic or not I’ll let you judge from the photo itself (more pics at the full review link):

Then, in my review I had to notice the non-stickiness and overall quality of this multi-purpose product:

And once we finished playing our facial\pearl necklace fantasies, the Bondara Essentials Spunk Lubricant ended up on by bedside table and became just my new non-sticky, water based lubricant to use just like I would with others. I was worried to be able to use this only once in a while as a novelty, but it really is two products in one: I’ll use it till the last drop!

Thanks again to Cara Sutra for this amazing opportunity!

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TMI Tuesday: Staying Hard

The TMI Tuesday prompt for today looks really appropriate for me: my Daddy suffers from occasional erectile dysfunction and I really feel the problem. In my experience, it looks like once a man sees himself suddenly going limp during intercourse and unable to restore his usual hardness at the moment, even if it’s just an occasional défaillance, something in his self confidence has been broken forever. It is definitely a moment he will never forget and that will haunt him months, years after it has happened even if it has been just once.

I think mainstream porn plays a role in this. We are so used to see perfect male models with HUGE, hard rock tools, that men over time start to consider this a standard. If you do not always meet this standard, a little part of you feels inadequate and suddenly old, no more attractive or interesting to a partner. I think a great resource about how porn influences our relationship with our own bodies is The Porn Conversation, a no-profit project by Erika Lust, the famous feminist pornographer behind XConfessions, that is meant for parents to educate kids about adult material on the Internet, but it’s worth a read even for grown ups!

And the more a guy feels inadequate because of his dèfaillance, the more his penis refuses to respond. You see, apart from physical issues or illnesses that could be the cause, the psychological side plays a big role here. However, the prompt of today asks for remedies to keep hard and I’m gonna tell you the ones that work for me and my Daddy:

  1. Wear a cock ring. It’s so simple but we found this can really be helpful: we prefer stretchy ones because we find they fit perfectly at the base of his shaft even when he’s not fully erect. The more rigid ones are more likely to slip off if his willy is not at its top shape.
  2. Relax. The more he thinks about the problem the worst it becomes (literally) so the best thing to do is to simply focus on something other when a performance issue comes up in the bedroom. Relaxing with a scented massage oil, laughing after a ridiculously funny sex toy, watching the porn parody of his favorite TV series, are our favorite solutions to take time and still have a sexy time together while waiting for a better moment to attempt at actual intercourse.
  3. Try a penis pump. I thought the classic ones that work with a vacuum chamber only were novelty items of the past, but when we could try one, I had to regret not having done it before! Ours simply brings to the penis that little extra blood flow that is enough to have a worry-free sex session, and then after use everything comes back to normal. I am not sure how a pump will work for penis enlargement as this was not our goal and we never tried to use it regularly.
I also know Hot Octopuss makes beautifully designed sex toys targeted at disabled people and penis owners with erectile dysfunction: guybrators you can use even when you’re flaccid. We’ve not yet tried them but we think feeling that you are still able to have pleasure despite your ED can be very empowering. Then, browsing through the brand’s blog is heart warming because of how much they’re devoted to make sex pleasurable for everyone despite of their physical condition.
Then, the best advice we can give to our readers is: a laughter a day keeps the Viagra away. In other words: never worry too much if a midway letdown happens, do not make the mistake to feel less attractive or inadequate because of it and, if it doesn’t go away with the remedies above, check your doctor without feeling ashamed. Positivity is the key!

 

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Fetish Friday: how it’s like to be in a Daddy/babygirl relationship

This week I decided to participate in Fetish Friday, the blogging meme kindly hosted by Cara Sutra: I want to share my experience as a babygirl in a relationship with a Daddy who lives in another city.

Photo by pixel2013.

I really didn’t even know what the word babygirl means since I had the pleasure to meet other kinksters in the lifestyle, but I immediately felt like I had always been part of that world without even knowing it. You know, I have always called my partner “Daddy” and I always wanted to be reassured I am his baby for no reason and at any given time and I just thought it was just me, probably because of family issues happened during my childhood. It was spontaneous to me to act childish at times, especially when asking for cuddles or little gifts from my partner, but I always felt a little ashamed of my “little” side.

There’s something more behind this. I have always felt, from the start of our relationship, the need to be nurtured and protected by him. Calling him Daddy has always meant to us, “watch over me, always”. That doesn’t mean I’m a weak person: it’s like when he is away because of his work I feel strong and capable of protecting myself, but in his presence, I just want to feel nurtured and watched over. That’s why I found myself such a caring guy I suppose!

And when I learnt there is a full universe of babygirls and Daddies who love being just like me and my guy, and for most of them their kink has nothing to do with childhood\family issues, that little sense of shame that came with my vulnerability started to fade away. I started to feel free to act girly and to ask for cuddles or protection all the times I need.

I know many in the lifestyle do age play and “age regression” such as wearing diapers, coloring children’s books, or having their Daddy read them fairy tales at bedtime, and some know exactly what age their babygirl-self is. I am very fascinated by age regression and I love reading erotica about it or hearing other people’s experiences, but I haven’t felt the need to try it yet in real life. In my relationship the Daddy role is more about care and protection than actual age play I think.

I look forward to connect with other people in the lifestyle: the kink community has always been so welcoming to me and feeling I’m not alone has changed my life for the better. Happy Fetish Friday!

 

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Desire, the mobile game for couples

 

desireI’ve been kindly invited to try the new couple app Desire by its developers for Valentine’s Day, as a fun and tech-savvy way to spice up in the bedroom. It’s already been downloaded by more than half milion couples and it has won the FbStart Accelerating Program from Facebook so I told myself: why not?

I downloaded it into my old-ish Android phone and I was relieved to see the app icon was very discreet, sort of an image of two people in a bath tub in beautiful bright yellow and soft orange. Nothing that screams “erotic game for couples” luckily!

Once opened the app, I was pleased to see a beautiful interface with the same pretty colors of the icon. I was invited to register for a new account: the registering form asks me name, sex and email of both me and my partner and  to create a password for both. I love the idea of the shared password: it’s what I did for so long time with my partner that lives in another city with shared blogs, and it creates a sense of intimacy in our opinion.

I filled the registering form and after few minutes I got a verification email from Desire with the sweet phrase, ” We wish you and your boy a lot of love!” How cute!

Then, I could start play around with the app. On the main screen I see both my avatar and my partner’s, score and a menu of available actions: “dare your partner” or your partner dares you“.

desire

I quickly realize I get points for each dare I complete and the higher score I achieve the steamiest level of dares I unlock: from Mild that’s the default, I can upgrade to SpicyHot and Chili.

When I click on “dare your partner” I have three options: CategoryCommunity and Write It!

Category brings me in a menu with colorful icons where I can browse different categories of dares: Roleplay and Fantasy, Outdoor, Risk of being Watched, At the office and even Pokehot Go. Exactly what I was hoping!

desire

All the dares seem to be written to be gender neutral, so I think LGBTQ couples too will have lots of fun with this app!

Write It! allows you to write your own dare to send your partner and to choose how many points to give him to complete it, from 5 to 50, and how much time he has from hours to a month.

Community allows you to submit your own dares for all the users of Desire to try. You can manage your community account in the app’s settings.

There is also a “send eLove” feature that allows you to send a steamy sext to your lover only by shaking your phone: you can choose a pre-made eLove in the categories Love, Hot or Compliment. Last but not least, Desire offers secure and encrypted messaging only between the two of you.

desire

The app only takes 18,19 MB on my phone that I don’t think is too much: sorry I haven’t all this technology knowledge, but if I compare with Instagram app that needs 43,56MB or the 37,00MB of Gmail, it’s not a great deal. I have Android 4.2 and had a nice and fluid experience with it too.

Overall, Desire is a fun and entertaining ice breaker that brings sexting to a new level and guarantees hours of sexy fun. If you fancy trying it for yourself, here are the download links for iOS and Android.

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Smail Technology and their innovative, realistic sex dolls

Today, the realistic sex doll technology has become one of the most advanced I can think of, at least in the adult industry. Forget the inflatable latex ugly dolls that did never, ever resemble the model on the box: these are nowadays only bought as novelties or as a gag gift to a friend.

Today high end sex dolls are as tall as a regular woman, realistic to the sight and to the touch at a point where the owner sometimes stops considering his doll a mere “sex toy” and starts loving her as if she was a real person, a member of the family to find at home when you come back after a long day of work, or even as if she was a real lover. Believe it or not, the internet is full of those doll love stories you might find awkward, but I think many of them may be true: a very busy manager who doesn’t have time to connect with real women can seek the company of a sex doll and get used to her presence at home. After all, how many of us women give their dildos cute pet names? ;)

But apart from “doll love stories”, a sex doll in my opinion is a luxury, realistic sex toy and as a toy it should be fun and add some spice to the bedrooms of both singles and couples. If I’m gonna win the lottery and could afford one of them, I would use it with my partner to live out a threesome fantasy without involve a third real person and the risk of hurting each other’s feelings. It’s a great idea if only we had the money!

Smail Technology  Co. Ltd located in Shenzen, China produces some of the most realistic TPE and silicone sex dolls I have ever seen: I had never had the pleasure to meet one of them in person, but from the photos, they look just like real girls. From their website I see they sell realistic sex dolls in various sizes ranging from 100 cm to 176 cm and a mini 65 cm sex doll, made in medical silicone ,that’s just as tall as a Barbie doll I think.

The mini one is so cute and can close her eyes when her head is moved around just as those baby dolls from our childhood did!

The bigger ones come in all sizes and shapes, big or small boobs, TPE or silicone, male, female or trans: they have an internal bendable metallic skeleton that allows them to be put in different poses. They can be customized with different hair wigs and you are given the oportunity to choose eye color, skin color and nail color. Plus, you can choose if your doll will be made with a fixed vagina or a removable one that’s easier to clean and if she will have a regular foot or one designed to make her able to stand on her own.

What do you think of the realistic sex doll revolution? Would you buy one? Let me know in the comments!

 

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Crash Pad Series Episode 255 Review: Lux Fury and Tessa Blythe are in love!

Crash Pad Series is the best I have ever seen in queer porn: in their scenes I enjoy communication between performers, real steamy sex scenes and best of all, real people with real bodies and authentic personalities. Many of them are real couples or play partners in real life!

The Episode 255 features the beautiful engaged femme couple Lux Fury and Tessa Blythe. They’re just so sexy and their connection definitely shows in the episode: Tessa is a caring but playful Daddy, who obviously likes to explore many aspects of her sexuality and Lux’s.

The beautiful couple starts to play a little foot fetish with Tessa’s gorgeous high heeled boots, black with golden spikes: exactly the ones I’d wear everyday if only I was able to walk in them LOL. Lux knows how to play the submissive role licking and sucking their partner’s heels and overall the scene feels playful and erotic.

Then the two fiancèes open their toybox: their choice today is a pair of sensual black latex gloves, and two pretty and smooth curved dildos, one black attacked to a harness and one bright purple. I learn from Crash Pad’s website that these dildos are both Siren Vibrating Dildos from Good Vibrations company, good to know!

As for the latex black gloves, in the “behind the scenes” video that’s available with every scene for Crash Pad members, Lux explains that they decided to use them not only because they really love the sensual look, but also because they had a little cut on their finger on the day of the shooting, and they wanted to feel extra-safe even if they and Tessa are fluid-bonded; also, they explains the gloves avoid scratching and hurting your partner when you have long nails. I think it’s great not only that a porn company decides to educate viewers about safe sex, but also that the educators are the performers themselves. In my opinion sex workers are experts in what they do and they should have more space to educate about safe sex, sex positivity and so on..

Also, in the” behind the scenes” video Tessa and Lux talk bout how they genuinely enjoyed the scene, even if Tessa suffers from fibromyalgia and she needs to change positions often (which I am very sorry to hear!) and how motivated they are to make queer porn because they love to work with other queer performers, creating connections and deep friendships, and to be an example for queer viewers that often don’t find themselves in mainstream pornography.

I wish all the best to this beautiful couple for their engagement! Congrats Tessa and Lux!

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